- Neymar, PSG, €222,000,000
- Romelu Lukaku, Manchester United, €85,000,000
- Oscar, Shanghai SIPG, €70,000,000
- Álvaro Morata, Chelsea, €65,500,000
- Benjamin Mendy, Manchester City, 58,100,000
- Kyle Walker, Manchester City, 57,000,000
- Bernardo Silva, Manchester City, €50,000,000
- Tiémoué Bakayoko, Chelsea, €45,000,000
- Nemanja Matić, Manchester United €44,700,000
- Mohammed Salah, Liverpool, €42,000,000
A non-exhaustive list of things the above people can’t do:
- Brain surgery
- Pilot an interstellar spaceship
- Stop climate change
- Cure cancer
- Spin straw into gold
- End poverty
- Negotiate peace in the Middle East
- Invent flying cars
A reasonably exhaustive list of things they can do:
- Kick a football
- That’s basically it
I love football. Obviously I do. But this is the most ridiculous thing in a world that has Donald fucking Trump in it.
Football is important but not this important. If a cure for cancer is ever discovered, I doubt very much that the university researcher who does it will be earning a 300th of Neymar’s rumoured salary of €60,000,000 per year. Where are our priorities as a civilisation?
I’ve done a few calculations based on Neymar’s transfer fee…
First of all, it’s seriously the GDP of an actual country – Palau.
According to Google it costs about US$12,500 to build a school in Africa. You could build 20,800 of them with Neymar’s transfer fee. You could feed 17,301 US families of four a healthy diet for a year. That’s just under 70,000 people, which happens to roughly be the population of Barnsley in the UK, where their home town Championship club has a total squad value of €8,000,000 – Neymar’s transfer fee alone could buy the entire Barnsley squad 28 times over.
Currently my favourite club, Roma, is haggling with Leicester over Riyad Mahrez. They reportedly want €40,000,000 for him. We are only offering €35,000,000. The difference is 62.5% of one entire Barnsley squad, 400 African schools and 333 US annual family food bills.
Most Romanisti are desperate for him to come. I say “meh”. I don’t care how good he is, nobody is worth that big a chunk of the world’s resources. Unless he can invent a flying car in between training sessions, we should move on.
Categories: English/UK Football
A grassroots sports photography enthusiast based in Auckland, New Zealand, and a fan of the most magnificent football club on earth - A.S. Roma.